“Normal” vs. “Abnormal” Eaters

If you are wondering whether you fall under the “normal” or “abnormal” eater category, this post is for you!

I first heard of the concept “Normal vs. Abnormal Eaters” when I got into recovery for compulsive eating. When I learned that I was not “normal” around food, I was disappointed but definitely not surprised. I always knew I did not have a very healthy relationship with food or food behaviors, and diving into the specifics of what made me abnormal helped me find the right solutions.

“Normal” Eaters

Right after I turned 26, I got into a relationship with a guy I met on Hinge. While getting to know him, I noticed his eating habits felt rather strange to me. His fridge was basically empty all the time, he rarely thought of food, he only ate 2-3 times a day, and he focused our date ideas on activities, not food.

When he didn’t finish the food on his plate, he would throw it away without a thought. Sometimes, he would go an entire day before he remembered to eat. He also never talked excitedly about food the way he talked about other subjects that interested him.

Aside from being in a relationship with someone who did not understand what it felt like to be me (I barely understood it myself at the time), I was always so emotionally triggered because of his ability to treat food with such detachment!

He was probably one of the most normal eaters I could have ever met, but I didn’t know it at the time. I felt strange/disconnected from him because he didn’t feel the same way I did about food. I didn’t realize how much I wanted to connect over food, and it always made me sad that we couldn’t relate. Our relationship ended for other reasons, but I am grateful I got to see, in action, a normal eater.

What it Feels Like to Be a Normal Eater & Their Body Signals

Essentially, normal eaters don’t think of food until their body tells them it’s time to eat. Additionally, once their body says, “I’m full,” they simply get bored with the food and stop eating. They don’t feel anxiety about throwing food away or stashing it for later. Food doesn’t cause a scarcity mindset, anxiety, discomfort, or possessiveness.

Normal eaters are not obsessed with food, don’t have a deep emotional attachment to it, or have issues stopping after starting. The act of eating is as exciting as brushing teeth, doing the dishes, or cleaning the bathroom. It’s just another “thing” that needs to be taken care of for proper living.

The “exciting” part of eating for most normal eaters is the people they eat with, the environment, the party, the event, etc. At restaurants, I do a lot of people watching. It amazes me that so many people aren’t face-first into their plates like I always was!

Most normal eaters have their heads up, attentive to the people they are with, and their mouths are moving from talking, not chewing.

I’ve noticed it can take longer periods of time for them to finish eating because they are busy enjoying the moment. On top of that, normal eaters aren’t afraid to throw the food away once they decide they are done with the meal.

I have seen many nearly full plates of food left at tables after folks leave, and it always makes me want to put it in a to-go box for myself!

Any way you slice it, a normal eater is emotionally detached from food and is more focused on other areas of life. Eating takes up a small portion of the space in their mind and a limited amount of overall time from day to day.

“Abnormal” Eaters

If I didn’t make it obvious by now, I am an abnormal eater, through and through.

There have been more days than not, where food was the first thing I thought about when I woke up, and the last thing I thought about before falling asleep. I even remember having such intricate and planned out binges, I would dream of them the night or two before.

As I proceed, please don’t start shaming yourself if you know by now that you fall into the “abnormal” category. I only intend to relate to you to help you understand yourself better. Do not use this as a reason to put yourself in the dog house. It helps no one, and it only perpetuates disordered eating.

Moving on! :)

What it Feels Like

In general, acting on our compulsions in an unhealthy manner is considered “abnormal” or “unhealthy.” Because abnormal eaters have a deeply entangled emotional relationship with food, they are likely to engage in compulsive food behaviors provoked by unchecked emotions or unhealed trauma/wounds.

Food sends different signals to the bodies of abnormal eaters in comparison to normal eaters. These signals may feel frenzied, out of control, intense, exciting, fuzzy, confusing, scary, desperate, euphoric, or even all-consuming.

Most commonly, when an abnormal eater begins eating, especially something they are very attached to, it is likely they can’t stop. Even if they become overly full, uncomfortably full, or sick.

Not all abnormal eaters are overeaters. Some feel crippling shame every time they eat, which leads to compulsive behaviors such as purging to compensate. Others may see food and become so overwhelmed with fear or disgust that they restrict food altogether.

Additionally, most abnormal eaters are not conscious of their body’s hunger, fullness, and satiety cues. This is due to the abnormal eating throwing off the brain’s ability to be in tune with the body's natural signals. For some, it takes being in recovery for a long time before they learn what those signals feel like again, or for what seems like the very first time.

These feelings of hunger and fullness can also cause adverse emotional reactions for abnormal eaters.

When I was actively using compulsive eating behaviors, I had no idea what it felt like when my stomach was truly hungry. I had actually convinced myself that when I had acid reflux, it was my body’s way of saying it needed more food, even if I just ate!

I didn’t consider that the reflux was due to my body overproducing stomach acid to break down the excess food! Oh, how delusional I was!

On top of that, I was eating so much that I had actually dulled my taste buds. I remember feeling like no matter how much of something I was eating, I couldn’t taste it. Which only caused me to want to eat more because I was chasing the dopamine rush from certain foods - usually high in sugar, salt, and fats.

In hindsight, “hunger” or “lack of taste” were so uncomfortable that I would do anything to run away from that feeling. I can’t pinpoint a moment in my childhood where this maladaptive behavior formed… All I know is that I didn’t want to stop feeling the euphoric effects I got from food, and I definitely did not want to feel hungry.

“I’m in Control.”

Additionally, abnormal eaters may have been able to manage a period of “controlled/normal” eating, but typically will return to their chosen compulsive food behaviors once the “controlled” period becomes unbearable. During those periods, abnormal eaters may feel imprisoned in their minds, constantly obsessed with food or weight, and grapple with a strong sense of cravings, even if their actions don’t show it.

In my early twenties, I enthusiastically joined the Herbalife diet trend (which I HIGHLY suggest staying away from by the way). For 6-8 months, I drank protein shakes (and only protein shakes) for breakfast and dinner, ate rice cakes with peanut butter and bananas, drank pre-workout, and took a bunch of supplements that smelled like chalk.

I was so jazzed up about finally following a diet. I felt in control. I lost 50-60lbs, but starved myself to do it, only consuming 1200 or fewer calories a day. (If you are unaware, anything less than 1500 calories a day is considered restricting, according to my dietitian.)

I ignored the hunger pains while obsessing over what everyone else was eating and what they looked like. Behind the lies I was telling myself, such as “this isn’t so bad,” “I am going to finally get skinny,” or “I’m not hungry,” I wanted nothing more than to stuff my face.

My actions were “controlled,” but I was in hell.

One day, I ate a non-Herbalife lunch, and all “control” flew out the window. The effects of “falling off the wagon” caused me to stop using the products and start overeating again very suddenly. My period of “control” was over. (Read my post “Diets Are Not The Answer” if you are a chronic dieter like I was)

In a nutshell, abnormal eaters are more emotionally connected to food. Their relationship with food is intense and time-consuming, both mentally and physically. Abnormal eaters typically cannot stop eating once they start, have adverse reactions to food, are not in tune with their body's hunger/fullness cues, and spend a lot of their life focused on attempting to control themselves around food.

The Exceptions

I want to mention that this post is not meant to be black and white; there is quite a bit of subjectivity! Every person, normal or abnormal, is different.

For example, some normal eaters may not find the act of eating exciting, but they can still find flavor, texture, plating, and other aspects of food very enjoyable. A good way to think about it is that not all chefs are abnormal eaters. They may just find the art of cooking or the intricacies of food very fulfilling! And there is nothing abnormal about that.

Also, it is normal to want to eat the food you saved for later. The difference between a normal and abnormal eater is that if the normal eater doesn’t get to eat it, they know they can just go back to the place they got it from to get more. They might be disappointed, but it typically doesn’t alter their mood entirely. They can just let it go. They might even think, “Oh well,” and forget about it altogether.

Whereas abnormal eaters might throw a huge fit, be noticeably sad, get nasty, or their entire day/night could be completely derailed. When living with my family, a noticeable amount of anxiety was present in my body when saving food. I was literally paranoid and fearful of someone eating my food. When it inevitably happened, I was not a very nice person to be around, and I would spend the rest of the day trying to compensate for the loss by eating way more than the food I saved.

Imagine living with an alcoholic, gathering up all of their booze, and pouring it down the drain while they weren’t there. How do you think they would feel if they couldn’t have their “fix” when they wanted it? That’s exactly how it feels for an abnormal eater when they don’t get access to the food they put aside for later. And it only makes the obsession with food worse.

Another outlier is that not everyone who diets is an abnormal eater (unfortunately, though, a lot of them are). People can gain weight for reasons other than abnormal eating, and if someone decides to partake in a diet to release some of that excess weight, that doesn’t classify them as an abnormal eater or someone who uses compulsive food behaviors. Simply put, some people know how to change up their food choices without it becoming an all-consuming dilemma every single day. Honestly, I am jealous of those people! I wish I could be normal enough to simply change my food intake without it feeling like the world was collapsing. (For the sake of clarity, weight loss is so much more than eating less and moving more. For more on that, check out my “Diets Aren’t The Answer” post.)

Lastly, an overeater is not always an abnormal eater. Some people, like competitive athletes, have to eat large quantities of food to maintain their physique and the energy it takes to perform at their level, but they can still lack the emotional attachment to food and don’t need to use compulsive food behaviors to maintain their body. Some people may even recognize when they are venturing into the abnormal category and can easily stop themselves from crossing the line altogether.

There is Hope!

If you have come to the conclusion or realization that you are an abnormal or compulsive eater, don’t worry. There is hope, and there is a solution!

I won’t say that the route of recovery I use will also be your answer, but I will say that you are the solution.

Be willing to do things a little differently, become more honest about your behaviors, drop the shame, and reach out to me via my contact page if you need some suggestions for where to begin! I would be happy to hear your story and help you in any way I can.

You are not alone!