Welcome to My Blog!
Hi, my name is Connie!
I’m a recovering compulsive overeater and addict, excited to share my story with you in hopes of helping as many people as I can to begin healing from disordered eating behaviors and addiction, just like I have!
I’m 30 years old and have had a binge eating disorder ever since I can remember – I was probably born this way! For most of my life, all I could think about was food – what I was going to eat, when, how much, and if I needed to sneak it or not.
Eventually, obsessions with weight loss, dieting, romantic relationships, sex, and body image plagued me, and unfortunately, controlled my thoughts, feelings, actions, beliefs – and ultimately, my life.
The Early Years with Food
This is a photo of my family and me when I was a young teen!
I grew up in a large family of 7 surrounded by alcoholism and addiction. My mom was an alcoholic, and my dad was a workaholic. Unfortunately, our household was hostile, dysfunctional, and chaotic, which provoked bingeing behaviors at a young age.
Through recovery, I have become responsible for my continued maladaptive eating habits, but as a child, I lived reactively to my surroundings, trying to survive in what felt like an unsafe world.
Like most people who eat way too much for their body type, I started gaining a lot of weight in childhood and continued to balloon throughout adolescence and into adulthood. My life was incredibly food-focused, and my day-to-day mission was simple: eat.
I used food obsessively, secretly, and sometimes dangerously. Here are a few ways in which my eating disorder manifested:
Sneaked foods that I was told I wasn’t allowed to eat.
Restricted meals out of remorse because of the late-night bingeing the day prior.
Attempted to limit my caloric intake severely, but could never succeed due to a lack of control around certain foods.
Stole food from grocery & convenience stores.
Ate multiple helpings at every meal.
Ate dinner at a friend’s house, lied about it, and ate a second dinner at home.
Hid perishable and non-perishable food from others to have it all to myself.
Finished entire jars of frosting or peanut butter in one sitting.
Bought multiple meals at different drive-thrus and then parked in abandoned parking lots to eat everything.
Ate off the floor, out of the garbage, and off other people’s plates.
Ate in bed, standing in front of the fridge, in the bathroom, on the couch, and many other places that were not a kitchen table.
Ate sensibly in front of others (such as at a potluck in school, or a family event) but stole plates of food to binge on later.
External Attempts of “Fixing” Me
Before I reached high school, my parents became very concerned about my continued weight gain. They rarely worked together as a team, so they separately used their own methods to keep me from gaining weight.
My dad placed me in sports – I never lasted a full season because I cried my way out of them.
My mom made my meals with gross, alternative, low-calorie ingredients.
My dad forced portion control – no seconds at dinner, made my plates for me, and ordered my meals at restaurants.
My mom introduced me to alternative weight-loss avenues such as supplements, diets, restricting, calorie counting, over-exercising, purging, and fasting.
My dad took me to the gym to complete workouts and weekly weigh-ins.
Both parents made me keep a food journal and count calories – I fudged the crap outta that!
Despite their efforts, I found a way to keep overeating. Where there is a will, there is a way! I hated that I couldn’t eat how I wanted, when I wanted, however much I wanted, and still be considered okay to my family. I also hated that I couldn’t lose weight.
I ate out of rebellion, anger, depression, anxiety, fear, restlessness, discontent, shame, and disappointment. I also ate out of fun, excitement, celebration, happiness, soothing, and stimulation.
But most of all, food was a sedative for my constantly restless, irritable, and discontent mind.
When I look back at it, I never needed a reason to overeat; I couldn’t control myself around food, and I used the rationalization that my emotions or external factors forced my bad behavior with food.
I was stuck in self-pity and resentment for the way others treated me or spoke about my body. I would eat at them. However, as I have progressed in recovery, I came to terms with knowing that more than one thing can exist at the same time. Yes, I was mad at them, but I was also disgusted with myself.
Here is a photo of me at a steakhouse with family for a family member’s birthday.
It may or may not be evident in the photo, but I hated my body and always felt so uncomfortable when people took pictures of me! It was as if I was hyper aware of how much space my body was taking up at all times, and I just didn’t “fit in,” no matter where I was.
Life Unfolding
A lot of my life has been fogged by food, but what I do remember is that everything was centered around food, weight loss, men and women, and the attempt to be loved regardless of my craziness. I believed that food was the only safe way to cope with my inner turmoil, and it showed in my life by:
Becoming obsessed with shrinking my body for the sake of gaining approval.
Becoming obsessed with sexualizing myself to gain attention and validation.
Reaching 250lbs by junior year of high school.
Not having a regular menstrual cycle due to my weight.
Skipping out on college to maintain a toxic and codependent relationship.
Getting fired from my second job for stealing food.
Reaching 341 pounds in 2019 and again in 2025– my highest weight ever.
A “before” photo for Herbalife from 2020 at 339lbs. I never did get to take that “after” picture.
This is so embarrassing for me to put out there for everyone to see, but I was seriously sick and miserable, and believed diets would fix me!
Struggling to move, fit into clothing, or feel comfortable in my skin.
Fluctuating between 280lbs and 340lbs between the ages of 23 and 30.
Chronically yo-yo dieting, using diet pills, and engaging in exercise bulimia.
Leaving the toxic relationship to “get better” for 2 years, and then found someone new.
Almost followed through on having weight loss surgery.
Purchasing compounded weight loss injections (never used them because they forgot to pack the needles in the shipment, thank god).
Joining and rejoining Weight Watchers and Herbalife.
Losing and regaining significant amounts of weight several times.
Not maintaining that relationship with “someone new” and moved back in with family in February of 2025. That was humbling.
Hitting My Rock Bottom
My dad introduced me to recovery for the first time when I was 15, but I wasn’t ready to acknowledge my eating disorder, so I didn’t go back.
In 2024, I was headed for weight-loss surgery. I went back to the recovery program so I could tell the therapist at the weight loss clinic that I was getting help for my compulsive overeating. Once I got cleared to have surgery, I stopped attending.
Fast forward to July of 2025, feeling utterly hopeless and weighing 340lbs for the 2nd time in my life, I ended up at another recovery meeting – desperate and ashamed. I had finally hit my rock bottom.
For most of my life, eating and compensating with unhealthy eating behaviors truly felt like the only option to take away the shame I felt about myself.
My desperation finally made me ask, “What the hell am I doing?” The delusional veil I had worn for years began to lift, and I became aware of how self-destructive my behaviors were.
The entire drive to the recovery meeting, I was shaking and felt like I was going to puke. I was terrified of being judged, but mostly of being seen. My disease with compulsive overeating thrived in isolation, and going to the meeting meant that I couldn’t hide anymore.
I barely remember what other members had shared at that first meeting, but I do remember crying like a baby. I shared that I felt weak, desperate, and out of control. I was terrified that if I did not change, I would kill myself. It may have taken a few years, but I swore that if I did not find new solutions to this problem, I was going to die from it.
Everyone listened, without trying to fix me. They were incredibly friendly, wanted my phone number, and asked me to call them. I kind of felt famous! For the first time, being seen wasn’t so scary. Flooded with hope, I wanted whatever these happy people had, and I was willing to do anything to get it.
I found abstinence from compulsive overeating, dieting, calorie counting, and other maladaptive eating and weight loss habits on July 22nd, 2025, and have been abstinent since. Throughout my abstinence, I have followed a recovery meal plan designed by a dietitian (not a nutritionist), slowly but steadily lost 31lbs, started this blog and candle company, formed stronger relationships, grown my social media presence, and have been privileged enough to help others with this life-threatening disease.
Who I Am (and Who I Am Not)
Let me be direct – I am not a healthcare professional. I am not some guru who is gonna tell you wrap a bedsheet around your body and find a spirit guide in some mountains far, far away to lead you to transcendence.
Here, you will not find a magical cure, injection, or step-by-step weight-loss guide. In fact, this is a no-diet zone. Why? Because I am not here to fix you. That’s YOUR responsibility.
My job is to share my experience, strength, and hope so that maybe, just maybe, it will help you see outside of that humanly narrow perspective that each of us is plagued with. As a result, you can then find the path designed specifically for you to recover.
Please don’t mistake me as the person who has the answers to creating your “perfect design.” I am not God. And I am not trying to be! However, I am a person who has been through the same shit you may be going through and am willing to help you get to where you need to be through sharing my experience and suggestions!
What to Expect
Everything I write is from my lived experience. I promise to never lie to you, steal from you, exploit you, or tell you to do anything I haven’t already done myself. In fact, I hate telling people what to do, so please feel free to see everything on my blog as a suggestion.
The worst place to be is at your rock bottom, seeking help, and finding just another “expert” who thinks they know how to “fix” you for just $3 a month! Truthfully, I have been there. And I believe it just enables most of us to hit rock bottom even faster.
Instead, my philosophy is that by sharing experience, we find community, inspiration, motivation, love, willingness, change, acceptance, but most of all, recovery.
By relating to one another, the dark world we live in brightens, and for the first time, we can begin to let go of the limiting beliefs that keep us stuck in our self-destructive cycles. We can let go of old ideas, build strong foundations for new ones, and learn what it feels like to have a healthy, freeing, and non-controlling relationship with food.
My Purpose
Ultimately, my dream is to inspire change, hope, and tools for recovery.
You know that phrase “be the change you want to see in the world”? It doesn’t say to become perfect, rich, famous, and then make a difference. It means walking the walk, not just talking the talk.
I am actively in recovery. I go to meetings at least once a week, I work side by side with other members in recovery, and my abstinence from compulsive overeating is the MOST important thing in the world to me. I would not be here if I weren’t abstinent because I would have nothing to offer you. I wouldn’t be brave enough to not only share my story, but also believe I could help someone else. I know this is my purpose. And it’s no coincidence you are here reading this either.
Let’s Connect!
Thank you for taking the time to read about my story, but I am more interested in getting to know you! You can send me a message through the “Contact” tab in the top right-hand corner of this page or by scrolling to the bottom and submitting your email.
I also encourage you to read several of my other blog posts to see if you relate to my story or the feelings associated with eating and food, especially if you are not sure if you fall under the “Disordered Eater” category. My posts “Normal vs. Abnormal Eaters” or “How I Knew I Was a Compulsive Eater” are great places to start!
Either way, we are in this together…and together, we can do what we could never do alone, one step (or one meal) at a time!