Moderation and Intuitive Eating
All my life, I searched for ways to fix, manage, and control my body weight and my compulsive eating.
I used (and heavily abused) dieting, pills, restriction, exercise purging, programs, workouts, doctors, therapists, etc. As I got deeper into the dieting world through social media, research, and literature, words like “moderation” and “intuitive eating” began to pique my interest.
As I went deeper down the rabbit hole, I came across and purchased the very famous book Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. Today, my book’s binding is warped, there are more highlighted words in it than there are non-highlighted words, and there are tons of stickies on the pages to point out important things to remember.
To say I studied intuitive eating is an understatement!
Additionally, I began following a ton of “fitfluencers” who discussed moderation and how to balance out weekly calories by planning for certain “forbidden” foods. These people were not wrong; they actually had some really great advice! It makes perfect sense to plan for calorically dense meals, while maintaining a consistent diet of less calorically dense meals, doesn’t it?
The issue was that no matter how much I logically understood everything I was being taught, I could not, for the life of me, stop eating compulsively.
My Experience with Intuitive Eating
The first time I read Intuitive Eating, it literally felt like I had just found Jesus. I was completely smitten by the book!
Before reading, I didn’t realize that paying attention to your body’s hunger, fullness, and satiety cues was an option. I had never been told to just eat when I was hungry and stop when I was full. Reading it, in those words, was extremely eye-opening and revolutionary for me.
When I think back to it, I didn’t believe that type of existence was available to me! No one ever taught me to pay attention to how my body felt.
In fact, I was primarily raised by a father with a blue-collar attitude and a white-collar job. He would tell us to stop crying when we were in pain, wouldn’t take us to the doctor annually, and did not believe in things like sanitation, safety, or medicine. He literally believed doctors were giving out snake oil and collecting a paycheck! At least, that is how my child brain interpreted his colorful musings.
Unfortunately, I was conditioned not to take my bodily signals seriously, and it affected me deep into adulthood.
For example, when I was 26, I had an ectopic pregnancy and almost died because I ignored the pain. I told myself it wasn’t a big deal, it was just some cramping, it would go away. But as soon as I saw a piece of flesh floating in the toilet after spending 3 hours in the bathroom trying to make the pain stop, I called my doctor. They got me a pregnancy test and told me to go to the hospital for life-saving surgery. I was bleeding internally for 3 days before finding that flesh in the toilet, which was likely part of a ruptured fallopian tube…
I don’t completely blame my parents for why I have ignored my pain most of my life because, at some point, I benefited from neglecting myself. However, after that experience, I became very aware of the fact that I was shockingly good at ignoring how I felt, and that it could kill me.
Not just physically, either.
How does this tie into intuitive eating? Well, because if I were willing to ignore that level of immense pain, it was even easier for me to ignore “painfully full” signs when eating. I was completely out of touch with my body, and the book told me that I could find my way back to being in sync.
It sounded like a miracle.
Intuitive Eating also taught me about the destructive cycle of dieting. When I think about it, I can still “see” the diagram of the cycle that they printed on one of the pages! That whole chapter on why diets don’t work was incredibly freeing. I felt like, for the first time, I was permitted to drop the diets and the idea that I always needed to shrink myself.
Now, I had the option to eat based on hunger/fullness signs, stop dieting, and get more in touch with my body. I was hooked! The day I started reading that book, I dusted off one of my millions of half-filled journals and began keeping an intuitive eating diary. I wish I still had it. I would love to read and share what I wrote.
The book had disclaimers and warnings, saying it would take time and practice. When I started practicing mindful eating, I didn't follow a schedule or meal plan. I ate how I normally ate, but started answering the questions in the book, took pauses while eating, timed my meals, wrote down the food’s characteristics, etc.
Looking back, I remember noting when I would get to “comfortably full”, but couldn’t keep myself from finishing what was on my plate anyway. The more I wrote down the characteristics of the food, the less control I had while eating it.
Becoming aware of the color, texture, sweetness levels, bitterness, savoriness, and all the other characteristics made the food even more addictive. Like describing an orgasm in full detail to a sex addict, I would begin drooling and then shoveling the food into my mouth without any control whatsoever. Not to mention, I hadn’t finished writing my journal entry; I would just drop the pen and attack the food.
I don’t want you to think that intuitive eating is inferior, by the way. It has worked for a lot of people, just not for me. I set timers, drank more water while eating, wrote notes, got rid of distractions, and kept a journal. The book promised that if I gave it time, about 60-90 days, it would work, and I would find that my eating habits and relationship with food were transformed. I attempted the intuitive eating methods for about 3 months, and every single attempt resulted in bingeing. I had no evidence that my compulsive eating was getting any better.
Eventually, I grew discouraged, felt defective, and went back to ole faithful – yo-yo diets.
When people ask me why I don’t just intuitively eat, I always tell them that if it were an option for me, I would not be in the recovery program I am in. I would already be intuitively eating if it were an effective solution for my disease.
At the end of the day, I am an addict. And I have accepted that my addiction will always win against intuitive eating.
My Experience with Moderation
When it came to moderation, I would eagerly listen to those “fitfluencers” and read books like The End of Overeating to see if I could figure out how to moderate my food intake and to cure my compulsive eating.
I was told that if I allowed myself to have a little bit of the things I wanted every once in a while, while following a structured plan 90% of the time, I would still lose weight and be satisfied.
Again, sounded like a miracle!
I hoped that moderating would also help me control the intake of foods I simply couldn’t control myself with. The knowledge I gained through research had convinced me that moderation could apply to everyone, and I bought right into it!
Like intuitive eating, I didn’t realize that this method could apply to me, let alone that it existed! I always felt different around food, but the way researchers explained that it can work for anyone made me think, “I’m a human who eats food and struggles with weight loss, right? This has to apply to me too!” I desperately wanted it to…
Logically, the things everyone suggested made a lot of sense! Just have a plan that looks something like this –
Prep/plan meals or ingredients.
Calorically, make room and plan out the days for the calorically dense foods.
Use a food scale or measuring cups.
Consider that weight loss is 80% food intake, 20% movement/exercise.
Always have a veggie with a meal.
Eat 5-6 small meals a day.
Stop eating after 8 pm.
Limit carbs.
Track calories.
Drink 8oz of water before and after every meal.
Leave a bit of food on the plate to exercise control.
Stay hydrated.
Get in 10,000 steps daily.
Don’t bulk and cut weight at the same time.
Rub your belly and tap your head simultaneously. ;)
I have tried every single suggestion more than once. When living with my ex, I bought meal prep containers, spent most weekdays reading Weight Watchers recipes, and then made a corresponding grocery list for those recipes on Fridays. Then spent the weekends shopping, separating, prepping, and storing.
I would work out 4-5 days a week, walk 2 to 3 miles a day, count calories separately from WW tracking, focus on protein and fiber intake, drink 80oz of water daily, walk in place, and the list goes on and on and on… Basically, my life was consumed with trying to control my eating/lose weight, and I always saw moderation as the golden standard of control.
I remember being really successful when I was “on,” meaning I was able to lose weight when I focused all of my energy on following the “rules".” Being “on” would last somewhere between 1 and 4 weeks before attempting to moderate a food that was more calorically dense. Little did I know, I was successful during my “on” period because the “forbidden” foods I wanted to moderate were not being eaten.
The choice to finally eat those “forbidden” foods would happen if I saw weight loss on the scale. I always used it as a reward. I now see clearly that my disease would think, “You made room, you can eat that ice cream now!”
When I would eat a planned calorically dense food, like said ice cream, I would measure out a serving and eat it.
Success! That wasn’t so hard!
Then I would find myself measuring out another serving and eating that additional portion. “I’ll just skip next week’s portion!” I’d rationalize.
Can you guess what happened next? I’d measure out another serving and eat that, too! “Make that the next two weeks of portions…”
Oh yeah, and then eat straight from the container because if it wasn’t measured, it didn’t count!
Talk about delusion and addiction…
Moderation never worked for me because when I had the first bite of what I now know are my binge foods, I couldn’t stop eating them, or anything else in sight.
While being in recovery, I have accepted the fact that my life becomes unhinged when I eat any of my binge foods. Moderation does not work for me because one bite as an abstinent compulsive eater is the equivalent of 1 sip as a sober alcoholic. Most alcoholics who think they can handle a sip tend to go on a bender. I have the exact same outcome when I eat a binge food!
With that being said, I want to emphasize that moderation is not ineffective for most people. There are plenty of disordered eaters who learn moderation and can even arrest their compulsive food behaviors through this method! There is no one-size-fits-all solution to recovering from compulsive eating. I have 30 years of experience that has shown me what does and does not work for me, but you may need to do some trial and error before you find your solution.
At the end of the day, the purpose of moderation is to have what you want at regular intervals throughout the day, week, month, or whenever that interval may be, while maintaining a consistently nutrient-dense diet. Here are some examples –
1 glass (4 oz) of wine every night.
2-4 squares of a Hershey's chocolate bar once a day.
Eating out, whatever meal you want, once a week.
Measuring out 2 tbsp of a favorite salad dressing (or having it on the side), rather than eyeballing it.
Having 2/3 cup of ice cream once a week.
Eat a full-sized Cinnabon once every 6 months.
There are endless options for moderation! The only thing that has stuck for me is eating out 3-4 times a month. However, I do that for financial reasons because ya girl is paying off her debts and trying to become financially free. Not because of dieting.
When I eat out, I have some parameters and options I need to follow. My first option is to choose a restaurant with meals that follow my meal plan as closely as possible. The second option is to choose whatever restaurant I want as long as I don’t order any binge foods, and I stick to one plate. No appetizers or desserts. The last option is to consider nutrition and fullness; do I want to eat something nutrient-dense or calorically dense? Do I want to eat something that leaves me as full and satisfied as my home-cooked meals, or am I more motivated by taste right now? Can I find an option that isn’t either/or?
You could argue that the way I eat now is a form of moderation, but I would disagree. Simply for the fact that I don’t have a list of foods that I am incorporating at certain intervals. I am not trying to control my intake of certain foods that I know are difficult for me to manage.
I have let go of those foods altogether, and for good.
When I really think about it, it doesn't surprise me that I couldn’t figure out the whole moderation or intuitive eating thing. My entire life has been about living in excess, whether it be with food, money, relationships, material things, TV, drinking, smoking, you name it! Therefore, not being able to moderate certain foods isn’t really a surprise for me!
How I Stay in Control
Personally, I like to keep things simple. Instead of focusing on that long-ass list of moderation “to-dos,” or praying that I can stop eating when I am “full,” I just follow one simple rule – maintain abstinence.
That means I don’t binge/overeat, don’t eat any of my binge foods, and I follow my meal plan as closely as possible without becoming obsessive.
It is said in recovery literature that “half measures availed us nothing,” so I make it a point to stick to this very simple (not always easy) rule. I make this a huge priority.
Abstinence is the most important thing in my life because if I do not have abstinence, I do not have anything.
Part of the abstinence definition in recovery includes working toward or maintaining a healthy body weight. Since I do not diet anymore, my meal plan, lack of binge foods/overeating, and increase in exercise have been more than enough to help me lose over 30lbs*. I don’t have to count my calories, stress about macros, try to intuitively eat, worry about moderation, or follow some diet plan perfectly.
All I have to do is maintain my abstinence, and my body will work itself out. A cool thing I have noticed is that since finding and maintaining my abstinence, I have not gained weight. The weight on the scale may have stayed the same or gone down between weigh-ins, but it hasn’t gone up at all since July 2025. That’s what I mean by “my body will work itself out” as long as I put abstinence first. If your curious about what Abstinence is, you can read that post here.
The simpler you can make it for yourself, the smoother your recovery journey from disordered food behaviors will be.
*I found abstinence on July 22, 2025. As of February 1st, 2026, I have lost 31lbs. I update this every month when I weigh myself.