What is an Abstinent Meal?
Believe it or not, I get asked this question all the time!
The word “abstinent” means to refrain from, so when people see the word “meal” in conjunction with it, they always get confused. Rightfully so!
To understand this, we need to recap what Abstinence means for compulsive eaters. If you’d like, you can also read my post on Abstinence, which will give you a very in-depth explanation.
For the sake of keeping this post focused on abstinent meals, I am going to give you a quick recap, but before I get into it, please keep in mind that the remainder of this post talks a lot about meal plans. Getting on a meal plan is a great tool, but it is not going to fix anyone long-term. This illness is so much more emotional and spiritual than it is food-related. The end of this post explains that in much more detail, so please read through to the end. Do not stop at the meal plans without finishing this post.
What is Abstinence?
Abstinence means to refrain from compulsive eating or other compulsive food behaviors while working toward or maintaining a healthy body weight.
This includes refraining from the following –
All binge foods/ingredients (every person has their own unique list).
Binging/overeating.
Purging/bulimia (there are various ways to purge, including exercise purging or the use of laxatives).
Yo-yo dieting (this does not apply to everyone, but applies to me)
Restricting/anorexia.
All of these are the most common actionable compulsive food behaviors that recovering compulsive eaters choose to abstain from to begin and maintain the healing process.
There are other mental behaviors that we try to refrain from, such as being obsessed with body image, weight loss, or eating the perfect diet. I, personally, have noticed that when my physical behaviors were arrested, the mental behaviors were much easier to manage.
In a nutshell, to be abstinent means to no longer act compulsively with food.
How Does Abstinence Tie to Meals?
Some, or most, compulsive eaters who seek assistance in arresting their illness will get the suggestion to seek out a dietitian who works with people with eating disorders, or to get on a recovery meal plan.
*I want to emphasize that I said it is suggested to seek out a “dietitian,” not a nutritionist. An RN goes through much more schooling and training than a nutritionist, and I have personally found that my RN has done way more for me than my past nutritionists because of their extended education. This is not to say a nutritionist is less than or cannot provide services, but in my own experience, the comparison was sadly night and day.
Looking back, my higher power was definitely keeping an eye on me when I got into recovery because I was referred to a dietitian, who ended up being awesome! I practically worship the ground she walks on because she has given me a workable, sustainable, and flexible meal plan that has helped keep me sane and abstinent! Not to mention, it has helped me gain physical recovery.
Honestly, it is one of the tools that saved my life. And I am not exaggerating.
My meal plan consists of 3 very filling and satisfying meals a day. I only eat those 3 meals, nothing in between, 1 day at a time. I am allowed an optional snack if I absolutely need it, but I do not rely on it or expect to work it into my day-to-day.
I have found that when I allow myself a snack, I end up missing an entire meal because I revert to restrictive thinking and let the snack be enough to replace a meal. It is NOT a suitable replacement for a meal, by the way!
3 square meals a day that carry us from meal to meal is one of the most widely used and proven plans that has helped many compulsive eaters overcome this illness. However, seeking out a dietitian who understands compulsive eating will really benefit you in figuring out exactly what you need for your body type.
An abstinent meal consists of the following –
Incorporates all the components from the meal plan designed by the dietitian (Read my post on Meal Plans to try my meal plan or the suggested recovery meal plans).
Follows the suggested volume sizes per component (i.e. ounces, cups, grams, etc.)
Does not incorporate any binge foods/ingredients. (Read my post on Binge Foods for further explanation).
Each meal has a beginning, middle, and end, and when it ends, it ends.
Meals are not eaten in a way that may trigger a binge (this is highly subjective and optional, but an example of an eating behavior that would trigger me would be standing in the kitchen while scarfing down food).
Doesn’t lead to being overly full/stuffed (you should feel comfortably satisfied).
Through my experience in recovery, and out of curiosity, I have learned that everyone’s meal plan is different and specific to their own needs. A friend once told me their dietitian designed a meal plan suggesting 6 small meals a day for health reasons! I could not do that, but that person can because of their medical issues.
With that being said, if you decide to try out my meal plan and it doesn’t work for you, please understand that my meal plan is very specific to me and my needs. It may or may not be beneficial for you.
In my Meal Plan post, you can also find the meal plans that are given freely in recovery. There are 4 different meal plan suggestions with detailed information on what the components and serving sizes look like. I have taken it upon myself to spread that information for those who are curious. You’re welcome. :)
My Suggestion
If you want to stop compulsively eating or using other compulsive food behaviors, I highly suggest trying one of the recovery meal plans to start.
When it comes to meal plans, knowing there is a definite amount of food we are allotted to eat is very helpful. When we follow the meal plan, we do not have to worry about tracking, counting calories, or even asking, “Is this allowed?” because it is all written down.
Speaking of being written - write down, on paper, what your binge foods/ingredients are. I have a Binge Foods post on my blog as a reference. Becoming aware of these foods makes it easier to avoid incorporating them into your meals.
Another suggestion is noticing which ingredients could trigger compulsive food behaviors. For example, I do my best to stay away from foods that list sugar within the first 3 ingredients. If I can avoid it, I do, even when I reeeally don’t want to. Doing what I can to stay away from foods high in sugar helps me stay abstinent.
Next Steps
You may be asking, “How do I do this? Where do I start?” and the answer is to keep it simple.
I am going to ask you the same question that started my recovery: Are you willing to not binge, just for today?
If yes, great! Focus all of your energy and effort on not binging, just for today. Avoid behaviors that will lead to a binge at all costs. Call a friend, distract yourself, go to bed early, follow a suggested meal plan for the day, whatever works! It is going to feel really uncomfortable, and the behaviors/food may be screaming for your attention. When that happens, remember you said you were willing, just for today. You got this!
If you have already practiced compulsive food behaviors today, guess what? The day isn’t over, and you can stop using those behaviors at any time. I know from personal experience that stopping at any point after starting is hard. The good news is you can start your day over at any moment and try again. One of my favorite sayings is “If you fuck up at breakfast, you can try again at lunch.” Don’t give up.
If you are known for staying up late and binging, are you willing to set a bedtime or get in bed before the normal binge time, just for today? You don’t have to fall asleep, but are you willing to at least get in bed and stay away from food? Setting a bedtime stopped my nightly binging and created a great sleep routine!
You don’t have to do everything all at once. Whichever scenario fits your description, the bottom line is, are you willing? Can you try, just for today?
Once you have determined that you have the willingness, finding a dietitian and being on a meal plan will follow naturally. Why? Because when you have the willingness, you have the way, and you will end up taking the right actions to change.
If you want to get started on a meal plan RIGHT NOW, great! Try “meal plan #1” from my Meal Plan post. Try it for your next meal and try it today (unless you're going to bed). Don’t wait to start tomorrow or on Monday. This is not a diet.
If you are between meals right now, do not eat anything until your next meal (if you can). Give this a wholehearted shot. Use what you have, notice what you don’t have, make a grocery list to fill the gaps, and take it one day (and one meal) at a time.
A Final VERY IMPORTANT Note
I do not believe that only following a meal plan will fix you. Contrary to popular belief, recovery isn’t even about the food, and the illness isn’t either. This illness is much more of an inside job than it is an actionable/outside one. I have had to build up a war chest of tools to keep me abstinent and sane. Not only did I have to arm myself against this illness, but I also needed to use the tools daily.
These tools include:
Writing/Journaling
Reading recovery-based literature
Calling other recovery members to reason things out
Having an action plan
Addressing my current feelings and digging into my emotional wounds
Attending meetings regularly
Opening up to the idea of a higher power (even though I am not religious)
My final and probably most important suggestion would be to get help for the emotional part. Compulsive eaters have a lot of inner turmoil to sift through, and a meal plan only keeps a person structured around food, not feelings. A meal plan is only the beginning of recovery.
Without the use of compulsive food behaviors, we are still compulsive eaters. We still think the same way, and that stinking thinking will bring us right back to abusing food if we don’t work on the inside, too.
If you want guidance or suggestions based on your specific situation, you can submit a form on my Contact page. This goes to my direct email, and I will respond within 24-48 hours.
I believe in you, and you are not alone!